As I was driving past I-45 (Don’t know why it’s called a highway! the traffic moves bumper to bumper every single time!). There was an accident and the red-blue lights of the police car were buzzing along with the monotonous blaring of the ambulance. I have always felt the ambulance comes like a charging bull, and the sight of it, makes me panic! I feel it would cause me to go hit the pavement or another vehicle resulting in an another accident! Anyways, brushing this aside, as I was observing all the Hulla Baloo, my mind drifted off to one such accident in the future, fortunately/ unfortunately, I am the victim. Like Kenny, in South Park I die and blood splashes all over. (I was in my car, a little bicycle guy bumps into me, the impact of the cycle causes my car to flip over and I die. Lol !)
So, the next scene which comes to my mind is my funeral. I know that’s not the choicest of scenes to visualize, but a cynical part of me has always chided and asked me, “Do you think anyone will ever cry, when you die?” Sometimes, it would snicker and say, can you count or name at least two people who would moan your demise? So, I was glad I could attend my memorial service just to have a quick glimpse at the roster (hoping none were giving proxy!).
So the next few minutes were a revelation to me. The sights I saw… (Assuming, I was happily married with a couple of kids). I see my husband standing stone cold. He looked so bereaved and devastated (I must have been a good wife…Hmm…Really??). My heart went out to him as I saw him stand impassive and emotionless.
Then my eyes drifted to some of my “friends of convenience” the Hi-Bye breed, all decked in Prada with goggles (Devil wears Prada, definitely made sense today!) It made me doubt, why goggles on a cloudy, gloomy day. Then it struck me Aha!! Shades aid you mask your expressions behind the tints. The girl in pink was feigning a dismal face, while slyly eyeing my vulnerable husband. OMG! Wish I could scoop her eyes out! Just to get that annoying scene out of my mind, my gaze shifted to my boss, glad she found the time to come. She goes only by her schedule! I am sure she must be muttering a curse for not giving her a heads up about my funeral.
I realized everyone was crying. So, I told the cynical me, “See you were wrong, everyone is crying profusely.” Then the cynical me chuckled, “Silly girl, look carefully, use my telescopic mindoculars (Hi-tech device to read future and real-time feelings apparently), read their thoughts. I used the mindoculars on my boss. She was crying carefully, lest her makeup would start running down. She was thinking, “Oh dear Lord, where will I find another scape goat, whose every report I can write off as BS, track changes BS, report BS and so on..” When I first joined my job, I thought her initials were BS (until I got the real meaning from Urban Dictionary!). I felt kind of sad for her. After 11 years of mindless loyalty you are a victim of “Stuck-holm Syndrome”. You start liking your tormentor! Can’t help it!
Then I stirred towards my parents and kids, their eyes were dry. I guess the lacridimal glands a.k.a tear glands had no more tears left to shed. They looked so miserable, that I welled up! People who love you the most hide their emotions. If you observed at any funeral all the not-so-important people weep the most (beat their chest and lament way more!). I still remember at my granny’s funeral, her helper nurse who was assigned to my granny just a few hours before her death cried so hard and loud… I started to wonder if she was someone much closer and granny had hidden it from us, all these years!!
Then to rework the doldrums my eyes hovered over my nosey neighbor. She was crying as well as murmuring constantly to her friend. “I wish her husband could give off her Borosil cookware set and her jade necklace. It goes so well with the dress I saw at Macys. Don’t know if I should get the neck piece and buy the dress or vice versa hmmm…” I urged the skeptical me to immediately stop the mindoculars, I wailed, “I don’t want to read others thoughts! It will drive my spirit crazy”. I was relieved that I don’t have siblings, who would be glad this day that they have one less person to brawl over ancestral property. Anyways, I was happy to see some genuine pain, some inflicted misery (thanks to glycerine/ crocodile tears). People did well up!
But when I look at death with unprejudiced eyes, all I see is, reverberation of the age old wisdom, the cycle of life and death -constantly spinning… Our kith and kin in this cycle may be an outsider in the next. So, why whine when we would wallop into one another in the next walk of life? It’s just that we do not remember our co-passengers in the airlines of existence and we constantly get a second chance to build a fine credit score, on our Karma card.
Great people have left splendid impressions on the sands of time. But all we accomplish today, besides encroaching upon land and water, we use even cloud space to have backup of our social history, photographs and so called lifetime memories (of Exs Y’s and Z’s) who do not even matter.
Therefore, instead of hoarding every inch of the universe, let’s try not Taking—leave alone Giving! So that, when we breathe our last, we would know for a fact that the Heavens would well up and pour down, washing away all the farce tears shed by our very own Hollow Mortals! Cheers!!
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